Order your copy of Wandering in Oblivion today – with a secured purchase through Amazon.com.
Alan O’Connor penned the memoir of his mother’s schizophrenic torment as it weaved its malaise through his family life.
Quotes from the Memoir
Scavenged memories in images and deep cuts
Marian had paid her dues, more than anyone should – all schizophrenics do. It’s the kind of dues few can imagine. It’s a life sentenced to endless torment and persecution, and of never understanding what crime you’ve committed.
Held under the spell of my own delusions, I’d taken my turn ratting her out in the belief that the system portended some promise for a cure. I didn’t understand then that the mental health system is only a mirage – a grand illusion.
Actually saying the dreaded “S” word was something our family never acknowledged publicly – most families don’t. Schizophrenia is a disease driven into the deep dark silences by shame and, yes – guilt (which you will see as we progress in this tale).
This wasn’t the regular kind of silence; this was different – dead silence. It’s the kind of silence that happens when all the breathable air has been instantly sucked out of the lifepod due to an explosion in the air lock, and you’re jettisoned into the vacuum of deep space like in some sci-fi mission to Alpha Centauri – that’s the kind of silence.
But somewhere in her twenties the temperamental tendencies and moodiness that made her sophisticatedly aloof and attractive grew into something sinister. The dark clouds that periodically appeared began growing and boiling until they became an ominous emotional super cell. That’s when a tornado named Paranoid Schizophrenia dropped from the storm and began tearing though her life.
It’s the memories and emotions that have come back to haunt me like demons I believed I’d exercised years ago. Unable to ignore them, they snuck back in from a door left carelessly unlocked. It’s the remembering that makes me angry. Fearful. I know what there is to dredge up.